Governor Christie Plans Commuter Swimming Lanes to New York

Trenton, NJ – Governor Chris Christie unveiled a bold transportation project today, calling for the construction of hundreds of commuter swimming lanes between New Jersey and New York.

“We will hit the water running,” he declared.

Earlier, the budget-slashing Republican canceled a proposed rail tunnel under the Hudson River that would have doubled commuter-train service to Manhattan, amidst fears of cost overruns for the cash-strapped state.

Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood called the decision “a devastating blow” to New Jersey commuters and the state’s economy.

But Christie reassured residents that his “Open Water” initiative is the answer. “We’re not going to dig our way out of this mess. We’ll swim out.”

Open Water will bridge the 4000 feet separating the states with a series of buoyed swimming lanes. Advanced swimmers will have access to special Fast Lanes. Lifeguards will monitor traffic in kayaks, and lockers will be available for storage on both sides.

“It’s time to man up and suit up,” Christie said. “We’re out of shape and out of money.”

State Senator Stephen M. Sweeney was aghast at the plan. “Imagine where our country would be if not for the backbone built by 200 years of investment in roads, canals, railroads, and interstates.”

Despite the critics, Christie is confident in the future. “Have you ever backstroked the Hudson in February? It’s invigorating!”

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