Damascus – Refugees streaming into Jordan and Turkey ran headlong into a mysterious transparent wall today, as the U.S. announced it had a “domed off” war-ravaged Syria in an impregnable and invisible force-field.
“We really don’t need that shit right now,” an anonymous administration official said. “We got our own problems.”
President Obama confirmed the dome’s existence at a mid-day press conference. “They crossed the red line, then they crossed the crimson line. Now we’re full-blown maroon. Enough is enough.”
According to Pentagon sources, military scientists have been working around the clock on the modern Manhattan project since watching the pilot episode of Stephen King’s Under the Dome television series.
Finally, the dome was lowered when CIA officials confirmed that the Assad regime had used chemical weapons against rebels and civilians.
“Now if they use gas, they’ll gas themselves too,” Vice President Biden said. “Dutch-oven style!”
The administration also promised that U.N. inspectors would be allowed to safely observe and monitor dome events from outside. “Pull up a chair and pop some corn,” one source smiled. “This should be interesting.”
President Obama warned that the new containment strategy could be used to cut off other problem countries. “Check it, you mess with the bull, you get the dome. I’m talking to you Egypt.”
The Russian and Chinese governments initially objected to the dome, but later agreed on one condition — that twerking teen Miley Cyrus be sealed inside.
Update: After the British Parliament voted against intervention in Syria, the White House high donor bed and breakfast is now offering Freedom Muffins.
News Breakage 