Menlo Park, CA – Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg announced today that he would immediately liquidate 99% percent of his company shares to “fast-track” a sequel to the 1989 hit action comedy Tango & Cash.
“The world needs heroes,” Zuckerberg wrote in an open letter to stars Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell. “Raymond Tango and Gabriel Cash are not just gun-toting police officers. They’re people, who kick some major-league ass.”
“One’s a slick suit with a stockbroker, the other’s a wise-cracking renegade with a mullet. But they’re both good cops. And they overcome their differences to work together and kill Jack Palance. We can all learn from that.”
“You had to wonder what they did after the big shoot-out at the quarry,” Zuckerberg continued. “Did they partner up? Maybe open a cool bar? Did Cash keep seeing Tango’s sister?”
Zuckerberg’s wife, Dr. Priscilla Chan, was skeptical of the investment and encouraged the philanthropist to pursue “more options.”
At press time, Zuckerberg was reportedly penning a letter to Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, and Tom Selleck.