St. Petersburg, FL – Vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was rushed to the hospital today after being found dazed in Hillary Clinton’s official campaign car. Authorities said temperatures inside the vehicle, which had the windows rolled up but was unlocked, reached 120 degrees.
Kaine reportedly told paramedics that he “thought Clinton was coming back.” The presidential candidate was in Florida today to meet privately with “friends of Hillary” before a slate of public events. According to an anonymous source, Clinton was half-way through a speech at the home of a super-donor when she stopped and cried out “Tim!”
The campaign quickly issued a statement, attributing the incident to a “minor brain freeze,” and assuring that Kaine was doing well and would address Miami voters tomorrow, in Spanish.
But Donald Trump pounced on the news, accusing Clinton of having another “short-circuit,” and speculating that she might have caught the Zika virus, which has now been confirmed in over 300 Florida cases.
“We gotta build a wall,” Trump said. “Or at least a big net. Before the mosquitoes come up here and kill us all!”
Asked about the people infected with Zika, Trump insisted that they will get all the help they need. “You know, unless they’re pregnant,” he said.