New York – Straight out of Tehran, there’s a new name in the rap game: Eazy-A. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today at the General Assembly that his debut album, Nuclear Beatz, will be available “very soon.” Ahmadinejad urged “cool people” to check out his myspace page.
Ahmadinejad clarified that his earlier reported call for a New World Order was actually a mistranslated shout out to his crew, N.W.O, which consists of Syrian President and Opthamologist Bashar “The Doctor” al-Assad and North Korean man-child Kim “Special K” Jong-un.
The MC apologized to fans for the delay, explaining that the Stuxnet virus had wiped out his MacBook Pro, in addition to computers at Iranian nuclear facilities. Ahmadinejad also accused the United States of using harsh economic sanctions to stop Nuclear Beatz from “going off the charts.”
When his allotted time expired, Ahmadinejad grabbed the mic and proceeded to “spit fire” at the General Assembly, free-styling against Zionists, NFL replacement refs, and New York traffic, and challenging President Obama to an “old-school battle rap.”
Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu condemned the new album as “hate speech” and threatened to “take out” Ahmadinejad’s underground recording studio. “Hammer time,” Netanyahu warned.
But Ahmadinejad insists his music is more West Coast than Middle East. “Just chilling smooth,” he said in an interview with Vibe Magazine. “It’s about barbecues every day, driving fancy cars, testing missiles, and stoning women, you know, having fun.”