New York – Declaring it his number one priority, Donald Trump pledged to make Steve Guttenberg a star again.
At a rare press conference at Trump Tower, the president-elect said that he would get Guttenberg a “block-buster motion picture” within his first 100 days in office.
“He’s going to be huge, and it’s going to be so easy,” Trump said. “Imagine a new Police Academy, only this time Mahoney is the Commissioner! Or what about Three Men and A Baby all grown up? This stuff writes itself.”
The former 80’s star, who once dominated the box office, has fallen on hard times, starring in a stream of low-grade television and straight to video movies.
“Everybody knows the money’s in sequels,” Trump continued. “But you absolutely have to bring back the big cheese. Don’t get me started on the new broads in Ghostbusters 3.”
According to sources, Trump has met extensively with new Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, who previously produced films including Mad Max Fury Road and Batman v. Superman. After heated discussions, Trump rejected a proposed Cocoon sequel.
“We’re not doing Cocoon 3,” Trump said. “Let’s face it, there’s no replacing Wilford Brimley.”
However, Trump expressed strong interest in a third Short Circuit movie, where the sentient robot Johhny Five is back, taking American jobs, and only one man can stop him – his best friend.
At press time, Trump’s office also announced an infrastructure plan to build a six-car monorail between New York City and Washington, D.C.
News Breakage 