Dubai – On top of the world, from the observation deck of the Burj Khalifa, NBA All-Stars Lebron James, Dwayne Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Dwight Howard, and Chris Paul announced today the formation of an unprecedented independent basketball super-group: the American Globe Jumpers. The players are all leaving the NBA immediately to begin touring.
The Globe Jumpers’ first engagement is tonight at the Dubai Cricket Stadium versus the Washington Generals, reportedly for a $50 million dollar fee.
“We guarantee victory and the greatest show on earth,” team captain Lebron James said. “Crown Prince Sheikh Mohammed Al Maktoum loves hoops.”
The Globe Jumpers will continue touring the Middle East before returning home. “We go where da gravy’s at,” Chris Paul said. “Oil sheiks got mad cheddar. I just hope Libya cools off cause Gaddafi is a huge fan.”
Team Agent Leon Rose stated the Globe Jumpers are available for any game, any time, if the price is right. “We offer packages as low as $20 million per show. We can play the Generals, we can play your national team, your employees, or even your kids. Five on five, ten on five, whatever you want.”
“We’ll do your boy’s bar mitzvah if you got the coin,” Dwight Howard explained.
The All-Stars agreed that teaming up was the only way to keep playing basketball. “The NBA is an 82 game grind,” Dwayne Wade said. “And anything can happen in the playoffs. It’s not worth the stress. I wanted to get all the guys on the Heat, but there’s some salary cap issue.”
“This is just about winning games and having fun with friends,” Lebron explained. “And getting paid. A lot.”
Former Knick Carmelo Anthony agreed. “I take my hat off to myself for leaving New York after one game. It wasn’t easy, but this was the best move for me and my family.”
The Globe Jumpers’ next engagement will be at the Saudi Royal Palace, hosted by Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal, who is reportedly worth $20 billion dollars. There, they will be joined by NBA veteran Matt Bonner, formerly of the San Antonio Spurs. “Market research shows audiences like at least one white guy on the bench for high-fives,” Mr. Rose said.
“Everybody loves the Red Rocket,” Howard laughed.
“We want to be global entertainers and icons, and also win championships,” Lebron continued. “That’s why we’re all going to give ourselves big trophies at the end of the tour.”
Big trophys at the end of the tour? That is hilarious.
Although I am glad my boys at the Generals will have at least one more team to face. Losing to the Globetrotters every game has got to occasionally wear on them.