Praising his durability, yards after contact, and treatment of women, ISIS leader Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi invited Ray Rice to the group’s official training camp, to be held at an undisclosed location.
“Unlike most Americans, we like where his head’s at,” Al-Baghdadi said.
No stranger to viral videos, ISIS shared the TMZ footage of Rice striking his wife across their social media platforms, inspiring a rallying cry from members to extend an olive branch to the disgraced football player.
A representative of the former Raven said Mr. Rice was “exploring his options” and also considering the CFL. According to sources, Rice is a top target for the 2015 ISIS recruiting class, along with a Yemeni engineering student at MIT.
“High motor, explosive potential, great intangibles, and an American passport,” said one camp insider. “If he puts it all together, he can be really dangerous.”
Al-Qaeda is also reportedly high on Rice and has invited him to visit their training facilities. “Bunch of old men on monkey bars,” Al-Baghdadi said. Thanks to kidnapping ransoms, ISIS is prepared to offer Rice a lucrative free agent contract and signing bonus.
“What Ray Rice did was wrong,” ISIS spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnan al-Shami said. “He should not have apologized.”
“When a woman disobeys or disrespects you, Sharia says first admonish her, then beat, and then stone,” al-Shami continued. “Repeat as necessary, or until she stops moving.”
Al-Baghdadi welcomed Rice to join the team and do what he does best. “They can’t see a black eye when she’s wearing a veil,” he smiled.