New York – Robin Sanders emerged from Ricky’s Costume Superstore late Saturday with her purchase held high like a trophy. “I got Bin Laden!” she shouted to the shoppers waiting in line. “Let’s party.”
Store employees confirmed it was the very last Sexy Bin Laden costume left in New York.
The former number one most wanted terrorist is now the number one best selling female costume in America, just ahead of slutty Big Bird. The costume features a life-like beard and applique “kill shot” wounds for the head, chest, or as the instructions say, “anywhere at all!” The $79.99 ensemble also includes a head scarf, mesh halter top, and a bikini bottom emblazoned with Al-Qaeda in bold letters. Informed that Al-Qaeda was Arabic for “the base,” Ms. Sanders insisted she was drawing the line at third for the night. “I’m not a total hobag,” she said. “I’m sexy.”
Critics have condemned the costume for bad taste, but some conservatives see a darker conspiracy at work. Bates Norman, author of the popular political blog Red Meat Cleaver, believes President Obama is in fact behind the costume. “Why do you think there’s a movie about the raid coming out a week before the election? President Hollywood pulling strings. And the costume industry is in the tank for Obama.”
Ricky’s store employees reported that Obama and Romney masks were both selling poorly, but that a combination mummy/drone victim costume was doing brisk business.
Mr. Norman insists it was First Lady Michelle Obama who field-tested the Sexy Bin Laden costume. “Before the first debate, on Air Force One, it was a prototype,” Mr. Norman confided. “They got it on bigtime. My source says the whole plane was thumping all the way to Denver. And it wasn’t no turbulence. Why do you think he stunk up the joint so bad? Two words. Post-coital stupor.”
White House spokesman Jay Carney dismissed the costume conspiracy theory, but refused to discuss what happened on Air Force One, stating that “Governor Romney is the only one into role-playing.”
Skip Sanchez didn’t care where the costume came from or why it was so popular. Dressed all in black as a member of Seal Team Six, Mr. Sanchez was confident in his mission. “I’m getting Bin Laid.”
Looking around the bar, his friend Trip McNeely admitted it was surreal seeing a cleavage spilling mastermind of 9/11 grinding up on a man garbed as South Korean gangam style sensation Psy. “But that’s America,” Mr. McNeely said, putting back on his Darth Vader helmet and adjusting his assless leather chaps. “We can’t let the terrorists win.”
News Breakage 