Hollywood – The masked man steps off his motorcycle and lights a cigarette, casually watching small green aliens swarm over Jerusalem. He sweeps open his leather jacket and pulls a stick of dynamite off his belt. “Thy kingdom come,” the man says, his eyes twinkling at the camera. He raises the dynamite to his cigarette. “Thy will be done.” He tosses the sparking stick into the swarm and the whole world explodes. Titles flash across the flames – Prophet Thunder: Mohammed Action Hero: Savior of the Universe.
“God is good,” Mohammed says, unsheathing a huge scimitar. “Aliens bad.” He straps on a machine gun and strolls into the smoking ruins.
So begins a new movie script leaked by the White House today, as protests and attacks continue to roil the Middle East over an American made film mocking the Prophet Mohammed.
A State Department source confirmed that Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay are in talks to co-direct the new big budget movie, described as Terminator meets Independence Day, which administration officials hope will ease escalating anti-American tensions abroad.
Arab League spokesman Shabir Elrabi indicated Muslims were receptive to this “more realistic” depiction of Mohammed. “We don’t condone any image of His Holiness,” Mr. Elrabi said. “But certainly exceptions can be made.”
Reached with the news, a young man burning an American flag outside the embassy in Cairo said he would not see the movie, unless it was in IMAX 3D. “They should have gotten Jim Cameron,” Omar Khan said, shaking his head.
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney immediately released a statement condemning the new movie. “We must never apologize for our values,” Mr. Romney said. “Especially freedom of speech.”
Christian conservatives are apparently working on a competing film. Casino magnate Shelden Williams announced he was funding a fact-based drama set in the Old Testament. The film, Jesus Football Christ and the Last Crusade, will star NY Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow, with direction from Mel Gibson.
“I hope he acts better than he throws,” Mr. Khan said. “I love the Jets, but why Rex Ryan brought in Tebow is beyond me.”