Washington – After brief remarks to the Congressional Black Caucus today, an open microphone accidentally caught President Obama in a heated exchange with members. When Representative James Clyburn urged Obama to “sack up” and do something about stalled legislation to extend payroll tax cuts and unemployment benefits, the President promised he was “putting the gloves on.”
“You know what community organizer means?” he asked the anxious members. “I run with gangs. South side Chicago, represent.”
“You heard the separation of powers? I’m gonna separate some heads from motherfucking necks. About to get some shit done up in here.”
Obama assured members that the situation was under control. “Let me tell you what really happened to Bin Laden. We caught him alive. I told Seal Team Six, put him on the phone. I said die slow motherfucker, die slow. Then I told them to shoot him in the nuts. Now I got his head stuffed on the wall at Camp David. That’s how I roll.”
A source reported vigorous fist-bumping and back-slapping at this revelation.
Political insiders speculated the hot mic was no accident. “He’s crazy like a fox,” declared Al Sharpton. “For three years, we been asking him to show some balls, show some black. Now he just slapped his magic eights on the table. I love it.”
Obama insisted House Majority leader John Boehner “better check yourself, before you wreck yourself. Cause I come stealth, and I’m bad for your health.”
The President concluded the conversation by wishing members happy holidays. “Merry Kwanzaa my n******s, keep it real. Peace out and word to your mother.”