Washington, D.C. – GOP leaders are turning up the heat on President Obama by threatening to turn off the thermostat at the White House this winter. “It’s like a sauna in there,” incoming House Speaker John Boehner said. “You can practically see the taxpayer dollars evaporating.”
Senator Mitch McConnell declared that defunding the bill is his number one priority. “It’s fiscally irresponsible to have the heat cranked this early in November,” the Senator said. “The high today is 60 degrees for god sake. I know President Obama claims he was born out in Hawaii, and grew up in Indonesia, so he’s used to warm climates. But this is America, and in this economy, you’ve got to layer up.”
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs flatly denied any excessive energy use. “We keep it well within the normal range of room temperature from 68 to 80 degrees,” Mr. Gibbs said.
However, Mr. Boehner insists he was “sweating balls” during a recent visit. “The bill is out of control and the President is out of touch,” Mr. Boehner continued. “We’re running up a tab with Chinese to keep him nice and toasty. It’s got to stop. I don’t even want to see the electric. They always have the lights on.”
In an amended Pledge to America, Republicans have made cutting the heat bill the central plank of their deficit reduction and energy policies. “The American people sent a message in the midterms, loud and clear, that they want us to turn down the thermostat, maybe even off at night,” Mr. Boehner said.
But Republicans cannot take control of the budget purse strings until January 3, 2011, when the new session of Congress begins and they have a majority in the House. In January, the average high temperature for Washington, D.C. is 42 degrees, with a low of 27. “God help us if we fail,” Senator McConnell said.
In the meantime, Mr. Boehner begged the President to chill out. “Put on a sweater,” he smiled. “It worked for Jimmy Carter.”
News Breakage 