Obama Unveils Re-election Slogan: “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”

Manhattan – President Obama raised his glass and the fundraiser crowd hushed instantly. “Times are tough,” he told the guests, who forked over $35,800 each for dinner with the commander in chief. “We’ve got problems. And we can’t do much about them. But I got something to say, to you, and the American people, don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s all small stuff.”

Obama urged everyone to “forget the future and live in the now.”

The President credited an unlikely inspiration for his new campaign theme. “Geithner and I were up all night trying to figure out how to fix the economy, eating Chinese food. I got this fortune cookie, and it said the problems of today will be buried by the sands of time. Boom. That’s when it hit me.”

“We can’t live life like one big emergency, with every day another debt ceiling. It’s like that Coldplay song, you know, every teardrop is a waterfall.”

“Sure unemployment is up, our credit rating is down, and the markets are out of control. But we need to step back, take a deep breath, and accept the things we can’t change. At the end of the day, there’s always more to do in life’s inbox.”

“The purpose of life isn’t to get everything done, but to enjoy each moment.”

“Take a moment to enjoy life’s simple pleasures. I carry around a little picture in my pocket, Bin Laden, with a bullet in his head. Always makes me smile.”

“We can’t sweat the economy and all that static. It is what it is. What we can do is win re-election in 2012.” The crowd responded as one. “Yes we can.”

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